A young girl needs her father. Without him, she grows up without a love and affection that God designed for her to have. When she lacks his tender embrace, she is left with a broken heart. When he fails to protect her from the hurts of life, she is left wounded. When he never tells her she’s beautiful, she’ll feel unattractive, and when he’s not around to say, “good job,” she’ll forever struggle to find value and worth.  

   Life was hard for me during my years growing up. While my mother did her best to provide income, balance and stability for us, our family lacked the consistent and unconditional love of our father. The affects of this on each of us was different I’m sure, but for me the lack of a consistent loving father-figure in my life caused me to grow up feeling unloved, wounded by men and unattractive. I believed I had no value and like I could never measure up to others’ expectations. During my mid-teenage years, I decided trying to please others wasn’t important, and set out to please myself. Looking back, I believe I desired a loving relationship and unconditional acceptance. I needed to know that I was ok. So I began looking to boyfriends for the love and acceptance that I felt I lacked. When I was 15 years old, I became pregnant with my daughter, Kayla. It was decided that my mother and her husband would adopt Kayla and raise her as their own. The pain of living with this decision while completing high school and living at home was very difficult for me. I married my boyfriend at 16. We separated, as could be expected, after only one year and I found myself right where I had started from…feeling rejected, unloved and unable to measure up to the expectations of others. 

   During the years that followed, I moved frequently, had many jobs and relationships, and became pregnant again at 18 with my son, Joshua. At this time, I was forced to get serious and be responsible so that I could provide a stable life for my son. I enrolled in community college and completed two years before deciding to focus on Mechanical Design for manufacturing as my career choice. This became my focus for several years. As I was very successful at school, maintaining a 4.0 GPA, I began feeling better about myself. I moved to California at 22 looking for the job that would satisfy my dreams of having a ‘good life’…and I found it! I bought a condominium, a new car…we had everything we needed and much of what we wanted. But as success and possessions proved unfulfilling, life still seemed empty—like something was missing. 

   Soon after spending the Easter holiday in 1997 with my extended family, I attended Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. I walked in late on a Wednesday night during their study of the book of Romans. As the pastor taught from Romans 8, he talked about how pale our present sufferings are in comparison to the future glory that will be revealed in us. He said God works all things for good if we love him, and that nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. I remember him reading from Romans 8:37-39 which says, Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NKJV) If this was true, then I could have victory over my past, my present and my future. Everything I had ever done or wanted or thought about myself was wrong. God became for me what my father had never been. For the first time in my life I felt an unconditional and boundless love fill my heart. 

   I cried on the way home that night. I felt relief that Christ had taken the burden of my past to the cross and comforted in a new and loving relationship…something I had desperately searched for since childhood. As the spirit of God filled me, I became convicted of the sinful lifestyle that I was living, so I moved out of the condo that I was sharing with my boyfriend. I began caring less about myself and my needs and more for the needs of others. I began attending church and Bible study regularly as well as taking every class and seminar in order to foster my spiritual growth. I desired a close relationship with my heavenly Father. 

   I now live with God in the center of my life. It is out of love for Him that I seek to remain obedient and live a godly life, and He has truly blessed me and my family as a result. Shortly after receiving Christ, I began inviting others to attend church with me. And after several months, my mother and her husband both accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior, as well as Kayla. Before long, God restored my family. Kayla was returned to my home at the age of 10 and love and forgiveness began to permeate my relationships rather than anger or resentment. 

   Much has happened since that time; I married my husband, John. We had two more children, Nathan and Jacob. We relocated to our current home in Washington. God continues to bless our family as we build relationships with new friends, connect further with our church family, discover the countless possibilities to serve Him in ministry and continue to grow in our relationships as a family and with Him.